Thursday, 8 August 2013

Older Childhood

As I grew older the eczema settled and I didn't have to spend time with my legs wrapped in bandages to stop myself from scratching. I don't remember this so obviously I was either very young still or I've blocked it out.

Asthma though was a bit different and there were a few occasions when I was hospitalised.

I remember school days. I never participated in sport much because my asthma would flare up and I'd be breathless fast and have to sit the game out.

That in itself didn't bother me too much, but it made me feel different amongst my classmates.

I don't know if that's why I'm an introvert today, but back then as a kid it's a hard blow when other kids exclude you because you're different.

I do remember wanting desperately to fit in, but also feeling quite uncomfortable in groups. I became a bit of a loner really and ended up preferring my own company.

It was all a vicious circle because as a child you want to have friends, and I did have one or two, but I could never understand why the other kids didn't want to include me.

I get all that now of course and it doesn't bother me anymore, but it took a VERY long time.

So by the time I was about to start high school as well as having asthma and eczema and I had developed an inferiority complex.

Having an inferiority complex is hard work because you're always trying to please others with the hope to being liked. So not only was my physical health not so good, my mental health was below par as well.

What I'm saying is that as a kid, the way to fit in is to be the same as the majority. I wasn't. Still aren't but I don't care now!

I feel that my childhood experiences at school left a mark. I became a bit anxious and nervous, and this is still the case today. I certainly prefer my own company, at home with my dogs, lol.

Here then I have come to what I believe is the second aspect of my life which has contributed to CFS in my life now.

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